I will continue to hate the New England Patriots for as long as I live. The native nicaragua(n's?) people do not have the same luxuries that we americans enjoy. On top of that.... and not having any food besides oranges and bananas, they now have to be lied to by Bill Bellichick and Robert Kraft. Those poor people. We need to have Carrott Top go perform for them to make up for the Patriots sins.
" The New England Patriots won the Super Bowl and ended the season with a perfect 19-0 record -- at least it looks that way in Nicaragua.
The NFL donated 290 Patriots hats and an equal number of team jerseys trumpeting the slogans "Super Bowl Champions, 19-0" to impoverished children from two small communities in southern Nicaragua."
The balls on these guys.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3247804
Friday, February 15, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
This Week in Fake Sports News
With all the allegations, trials, debacles, and "he said- she said" BS going on in sports, I decided to make up stories of some of my favorite fictional athletes. I present them to you today with limited accountability and credibility. Heh?!?(This will hoepefully be a recurring theme here as long as I don't get criticzed and threatend to be hung in Towne Square. Enjoy. )
February 12th, 2008
NBA Basketball
Mav's sign Center
Former Western University Center Neon Bodeaux was recently signed by the Dallas Mavericks to help the Mav’s get big for playoffs. The signing is due to the recent trade that the Phoenix Suns pulled off by acquiring Shaquille O’Neal from the Miami Heat. Mav’s owner Mark Cuban said of the signing "We needed a player with Shaq-like qualities that we could use for some qualities minutes off the bench to bulk up in the low post. Cuban added. "I go way back with Neon’s college coach, Pete Bell. We had anger management classes together… afterwards we would grab a Jonny Walker with Bobby Knight and go shoot cans off fence posts.
Bodeaux is now 33 years of age and is four years removed from the NBA. After being selected in second round of the NBA Draft by the Washington Bullets in 1997, Neon never really caught on in the NBA. He was on injured reserve 3 times and was arrested for disorderly conduct when he was caught knocking over Anfernee Hardaway’s mailbox with a shovel. Bodeaux signed a 10 day contract and could join the Mav’s tomorrow.
Bodeaux is now 33 years of age and is four years removed from the NBA. After being selected in second round of the NBA Draft by the Washington Bullets in 1997, Neon never really caught on in the NBA. He was on injured reserve 3 times and was arrested for disorderly conduct when he was caught knocking over Anfernee Hardaway’s mailbox with a shovel. Bodeaux signed a 10 day contract and could join the Mav’s tomorrow.
Saleh Retires
African basketball superstar and current NBA D-League journeyman, Saleh, retired from professional basketball this week. Saleh was a prized recruit by legendary college coach and recruiter, Jimmy Dolan, had an up and down pro career. After four seasons with the Blazers, Saleh was recruited by former NBA Star Manute Bol to return home and play for his intramural squad, "5 Tall Guys" (the team also included Shawn Bradley, George Murashean and Bol’s father).
Saleh missed the NBA lifestyle and quickly returned to the states where he was demoted to the NBA D-League. He averaged over 10.5 points per game and once grabbed 35 rebound in a game. Saleh says now he will return home to teach youngsters the game, and he also added he plans to relax and watch many Kevin Bacon movies.
NHL
Former Pee-Wee star finds home in NHL.
The heart and soul of the "Minnesota Miracle Men" and the 1994 USA Junior World Hockey Champions, Charlie Conway, signed a deal with the Anaheim Ducks today. Conway was drafted in 2001 by the Ottawa Senators but refused to sign claiming "IM A DUCK" in a boisterous press conference. Conway has yet to play in the NHL due to the fact that he would not wear any other uniform, now he gets what he always wished for. The Ducks say the reasoning for the deal is to "add some more depth at the Center position and to add an inspirational leader". Many league and team officials speculate it is because Conway would not stop calling and showing up to Ducks practice uninvited.
Conway has recently been playing pick up pond hockey in Minnesota with former teammates Fulton Reed and Adam Banks. In early 2004, Conway was cited for showing up drunk to a pee wee hockey game and continuously throwing honey roasted peanuts at the Hawks. He spent 24 hours in jail and was later released on bond provided by former coach and stepfather Gordon Bombay. Conway is 33 and has 12 kids.
Reunion Planned
A 31 year reunion has been planned for the historic minor league hockey team, The Charlestown Chiefs .The Chiefs will hold the gathering at the local Applebee’s which was the former site of the Charleston Mill. Local police have been informed and will be present during the party. The reason for police presence is, back in 2002 the team tried to have a 25 year reunion, when the Hanson Brothers attempted to light the restaurant on fire and tried to bite several of the waitresses. No alcohol will be served but there will be a 7 dollar autograph session for fans.
MLB
Hayes admits to steroid use
Former Cleveland Indians centerfielder and star of the major motion blockbuster Black Hammer/ White Lightning, Willie Mayes Hayes, admitted to using steroids over the weekend.
Hayes was not mentioned in the Mitchell Report and has not been seen for over five years, but yesterday called a press conference at a Sandusky Ohio VFW to proclaim his steroid use. Hayes also mentioned that he once sold roids to former teammate Roger Dorn. No charges have been filled and nobody really seems to care, but according to friend and family, Hayes has fled to Mexico to live with former Indians slugger Pedro Ceranno were he will assist Ceranno in running his liquor empire "Jobu’s Rum " . Hayes played eight seasons with the Indians and stole over 2,000 bases. Bud Selig was unavailable for comment.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
The Top 6 Coolest Players in Big East Basketball History
6. Vonteego Cummings Pitt '99
The most talented played ever to play at Pitt until Brandon Knight took the floor. "Teegs" was an ultimate fan favorite as he led the team in scoring his sophmore, junior, and senior year and is one of only six Pitt players drafted in the NBA First Round when he was taken in the 1999 NBA Draft by the Indiana Pacers (26th pick). Vonteego Cummings introduced me to a wreckless style of play that I would then later imitate on the playground in the rugged tough streets of the North Hills. Cummings will also be known as, being the first of many standout superstar PITT athletes that would amount to didly-poo in the NBA.
Vonteego to Lebron could have been something of legends.
NBA Career.
5. Jake Voskuhl UCONN '00
Voskuhl will be the only member of UCONN ever mentioned here unless I am celebrating that Khalid El Amin has been deported from the US. (see this article to justify my brutal reasoning). Voskuhl was a pain in the ass and constantly would come down with every single offensive rebound. Ever. He was one of those guy's that you would watch at home and get mad at because he was taking over the game and nobody could put a body on him. Not to mention, he looked like Thor. Cool in my book. Im sure will disagree...or.... not even read this.
Currently plays for the Bucks. Not our Bucs. But he could....
4. Reuben Boumtje-Boumtje Georgetown '01By far the coolest name in sports history. Reuben Boumtje-Boumtje was a monster underneath the hoop .....ya know what, I am going to stop. I am not going to look up any stats or see if he even did anything cool. The name "Boumtje-Boumtje" is reason enough for this former Hoya to make my list. If you can say "Boumtje - Boumtje" without laughing, you have no soul.
Announcer's over-used the phrase "A BOOOOM from Boumtje - Boumtje"
NBA Career
The sharpest looking bad-ass in Big East basketball history now teaches america's youth to inspire. What does that mean? I don't know. But you better not question him because, Varga will crush you. Averaging 10.5 pts and 5.6 rebounds per game, Varga not only showed his passion for the game on the court, he also donned the greatest designed NCAA jersey in history (see below). Chad Varga should be a role model for all men who inspire to be "that guy" at pick-up hoops who try waaaaaaay too hard.
Also starred as Ivan Drago in Rocky 4
2. God Shammgod Providence ' 97
This gritty pointguard was a godsend to the Providence basketball squad in the late 90's. He constantly was dishing to others and setting up plays, making opponents look god-awful. God, this guy was a hell of a player. God only knows why he never made it in the NBA. Want me to keep going.? God, I hope not......
No relation to Jesus Shuttleworth.NBA Career
1. Bootsy Thornton St. Johns '97
I hated this guy, but loved him at the same time. Bootsy Thornton emodied everything that a Big East basketball player should be. He ran the court smoothly and was at times overshadowed by troublemaker Eric Barkley and "the one and only" Ron Artest. Bootsy never amounted to the player that his talent showed he could become, but will always be rememberd by many.....well probably just me.
I hated this guy, but loved him at the same time. Bootsy Thornton emodied everything that a Big East basketball player should be. He ran the court smoothly and was at times overshadowed by troublemaker Eric Barkley and "the one and only" Ron Artest. Bootsy never amounted to the player that his talent showed he could become, but will always be rememberd by many.....well probably just me.
Bootsy is amazed that someone remembers his career.No NBA Career. Euro League.
Breaking No News
Terelle Pryor is in no rush to attend college. Butler County Community College is making one last final push...
http://postgazette.com/pg/08037/855148-100.stm
Monday, February 4, 2008
Simply Awesome
Don’t know if you saw that little football match last night, but the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots, 17-14. It was significant because the Patriots had yet to lose a game this season……..that was until they defecated the bed last night. Living in the New England area and having an extreme hatred for the Patriots, I enjoyed last night festivities immensely. This picture is my favorite and sums up the evening.
Quote of Super Bowl XLII …from a proud Steeler fan and Pitt graduate "Man….Eli Manning is going to lose his virginity tonight"
We all know Ben can drink it up. But apparently he hosted quite a little swaray in a suite at a Super Bowl party this week. Recapped on Page 2. That a boy Benny!
Quote of Super Bowl XLII …from a proud Steeler fan and Pitt graduate "Man….Eli Manning is going to lose his virginity tonight"
We all know Ben can drink it up. But apparently he hosted quite a little swaray in a suite at a Super Bowl party this week. Recapped on Page 2. That a boy Benny!
My buddy sent me 4 text messages in a row describing Puppy Bowl 4 on the Animal Planet. Yes, the Puppy Bowl. Yes, this was the 4th edition. He dose not get out much. Check it out.
Mark Madden is making all his callers call in and say "Thank You Plax". I love it.
I don’t really agree with Madden mainly because I don’t think he has any credibility unless he is talking hockey, but the man has great comedic timing and instinct. You can not argue with ratings either. Thank You Plax.
Zubaz. Remember Zubaz? Quite possibly the most eye popping and unique fashion statement from the mid 90s are still available to be purchased. I am man enough to admit that yes, I once passed a note to a girl in study hall sporting bright green zubaz asking if she wanted to meet me by the flag pole after school. It didn’t work……
….but they do however work for the Legion of Doom…..
My "man pass" should be revoked because I have yet to see Rambo, but I have sat through an episode of American Idol. Apparently a lot of things blow up, people die from bow and arrow attacks, and Stallone says something cheesy…..which completely explains why it has already grossed 25 million dollars in its first 10 days in the theaters. This has led to Stallone inking a large deal to continue to create sequels for Rocky and Rambo. Needless to say I am more excited than Gus Johnson announcing a professional football touchdown. Since these movies will continue to be made I want to throw out some suggestions for actors to reprise roles as significant characters in unnecessary sequels.
-Sylvester Stallone in "Stop or My Mom will Shoot Again"
-Michael J. Fox as Scott Howard in "Teen Wolf 3: Return of Styles"
- Dave Chappelle as Thurgood in "Half Baked 2: I threw a 50million dollar TV show down the toilet because I went nuts on PCP"
-The dude who played RoboCop in "RoboCop 4: I am still a Robot Cop that talks funny"
- The entire cast of Salute your Shorts in "Salute your Shorts : The Movie"(not really a sequel I just saw that AMP Energy drink commercial with Donkeylips and it made me think about why Nickelodeon never thought of making a major motion picture based off the hit TV show. What is Budnick up to? )
…that is all. Sorry for wasting your valuable time.
The best thing about Super Bowl XLII
The fact that this was ready to be written and published just makes this day much more enjoyable as a Patriot hater.....
....more to come later today when my workload is lighter. Ramblings include Zubaz pants, my trip to Pitt - Uconn and Stallone movies.
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