Short shorts

I used to watch the NBA playoffs constantly. Every game. Every day. But lately that has not been the case. The NBA has turned from a passionate team game, to an individual side show for 20 year olds to flex their tattooed muscles. Side note: Why does every single NBA player (besides Tim Duncan) make it a point to slather their bodies with tattoos? Maybe it is just my lack of fashion sense and overall coolness, but I don’t understand why getting the words “Chosen one” permanantly inked on your esophagus embodies all that is “hip." Back on the farm..… I was talking about my disappointment with the NBA. I loved watching TEAM players such as Jordan, Stockton, Olajuwon, Barkley, Robinson, Pippen, and many others dominate an era of basketball that will never be duplicated again. Now-a-days (I really wanted to refrain from using that phrase) guys look like they are just going through the routine and are just sliding through another day in the office. When was the last time you saw someone hit the deck for a loose ball or give credit to a teammate after an excellent pass? I can’t remember.

Players used to play defense too. That was cool. Don’t get me wrong, I love watching the highlight dunk as much as the next nerdy sports dude living in their parents' basement, but come on, step up and play some D.

But I guess I am in the minority on this one. Ratings for NBA hoops are at an all time high and the league has completely overcome the entire referee gambling scandal. What could change my views? I don’t know. Maybe enforce a rule that each team has to have a white guy over 240 lbs on the floor at all times. Make the courts look like a Tuesday night at your local YMCA gymnasium. I guess I have just lost all faith. Just like I have lost faith that Eddie Murphy will make another funny movie one day. Gone are the days of players like Rick Smits and movies like Coming to America. Now we are forced to watch Leandro Barbosa and Daddy Day Care.

I am only 25 and I sound like that old dude in the barbershop who bitches about instant replay and only mentions former Yankee great's as true baseball players.

I need a hobby.

Top 15 Pirate Centerfielders of the 15 losing seasons.

Last night, "Nasty" Nate Mclouth took the field as the Pirates starting centerfielder for the 2008 season. Mclouth overcame the odds and the label that he was just a "4th outfielder" as he went on to drive in three runs in the Bucs 12-11 sloppy win. He also let a routine fly ball drop between him and leftfielder Jason Bay which looked like a scene straight out of Bad News Bears. Not the shitty one with Billy Bob Thorton, but the original. This got me thinking how the Pirates haven't had a solid centerfield in the past 15 seasons. Here is a list of the top 15 outfield captians ranked on......I dunno? I just kind of picked em. Much like any other list you will read on a sports blog, these list's are just picked by "some guy". So enjoy....

15. Jacob Brumfield 1995
- Best known for almost killing himself crashing into Dave Clark. Which is not a bad thing to be known for

14. Rob Mackowiak 2004
- Hit a walk off home run on his kid’s birthday. Congrats Dad. You still lost 80 games that season
13. Adrian Brown 1997
- Looked like a scared 7 year old at the plate. He has been erased from my memory until the creation of this list.

12. Turner Ward 1996
- Crashed through the Three Rivers centerfield wall. Now manages the State College Spikes. In one word: "Badass"

11. Jason Bay 2005
- Played 44 games in Center for the Bucs in 05. Will play 64 games for the Yankees in 08.

10. Chad Hermansen 2002
- Was supposed to be the next Andy Van Slyke. In one word: "Sucked"

9. Gary Matthews Jr 2001
- Yeah we had him too.

8. Adam Hyzdu 2003
- He was a fan favorite. Just wasn’t that good……

7. Chris Duffy 2006
- Ohhhhhh he’s sooooooo fast. Oh man. He is going to steal 50 bases. Ohhh he will get on base and steal second and third immediately. Nope…..sucked. Still sucks actually. Oh yeah he quit the team once when he got demoted. Kids don’t even quit in wiffleball.

6. Jermaine Allensworth 1997
- I’ve got nothing. Oh yeah! He was once imitated in a Tracy Morgan sketch on SNL. Swear to god. Couldn’t find the video. But here is the transcript…
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/96/96qperspectives.phtml

5. Brian Giles 2000
- Mainly a left fielder. But played Center a couple of times. I had to get 15. So he counts. Deal with it.

4. Kenny Lofton 2003
- traded away in the worst trade of all time to the Cubs with Aramis Ramirez. But was the man for awhile at PNC.

3. Tike Redman 2004
-A computer once told Manager Lloyd McClendon to bat Tike 3rd. I chose Tike at the 3 spot because …well….because a computer once told Manager Lloyd McClendon to bat him third. That is just funny, because it actually happened. Haha.

2. Nate Mclouth 2008
- Hit a three run homer in the opener. Good start. Keep it up lil buddy…..

1. Andy Van Slyke 1993
- Yes he was a starting centerfield in 93 through 95. Nobody patrolled the outfield grass in Pittsburgh better than Van Slyke. He hit for average and also stole the occasional base. Plus he has a complete hatred for Barry Bonds, which makes him number one in my book.

the end.

Seriously Guys......

Pirates Game 1 Recap

Last nights 12-11 "victory" over the Atlanta Braves was a four hour suck fest of professional baseball. Yeah it was opening day and the season is young, but that 9th inning gave me a feeling in my stomach that only 8 shots of Tequila and cold 3 week old pizza can give a young male ages 18 - 25.

The Pirates headed into the bottom of the ninth inning with a comfortable 9-4 lead. Pirates announcer Bob Walk actually said that the Buccos were "running up the score" when Jose Bautista bunted in a run in the ninth. Emotions ran high as I was excited as a kid on Christmas morning that the Bucs were not only going to beat BUT….. destroy the Atlanta Braves in the season opener. FALSE…..on to the bottom of the ninth….

The bottom of the ninth was like the last 25 minutes of The Empire Strikes Back. (Stay with me here.) It starts off with some innocent mistakes like C3PO walking into a room and getting blasted by a Storm Trooper (Matt Capps walks in a run), then when Lando sells out Han to Darth Vader you think things are not going to go as planned (Chipper Jones 2 run single: 9-7 ), next thing you know all hell breaks loose….Solo is frozen in carbonite, Lando becomes good again, Luke loses an arm, Darth Vader is his father, C3P0 comes out of the closet [made up] (a routine fly ball drops in between Bay and Mclouth, Chipper Jones hustles and scores from first. Tie Game: 9-9). What just happened? The good guys were supposed to win.

Throughout the entire game (movie) I had a feeling in my stomach that the Pirates were going to lose. And they almost did. If it wasn’t for Xavier "I’m going to be a Met in July" Nady clubbing his second dinger of the game driving in three to give the Bucs another lead. The Braves drove in two in the bottom of the eleventh which was expected, but in the end the Buccos escaped. (Much like Leia, Chewy, the gay robots, Lando, and Luke did at the end of Empire).